How can we say that “honesty is the best policy” and suggest “sometimes the truth hurts?” At first glance these two ideas do seem contradictory, whereas they just speak to different aspects of human experiences and ethical decision-making.
One of the first lessons we teach our children is that in the long run, telling the truth (the virtue of honesty) tends to lead to better outcomes, especially when trust and integrity are part of our consistent relationships – guiding principles that are so necessary for ethical behavior and accountability.
On occasions when the truth hurts, we’re forced to understand that being honest isn’t always easy or painless. This is especially when the truth involves criticism, bad news, or emotional vulnerability. It simply recognizes that truth can, at times, be uncomfortable and yet it doesn’t imply that we shouldn’t tell it.
To reconcile the two, we must understand that these sayings are not contradictory – they just reflect complementary truths. Honesty is a good and commendable guiding principle, but it requires empathy, timing, and tact, especially when the truth may be painful and hard to bear. For example, telling a friend their partner is cheating may hurt them, but it may also be necessary. So, how you tell them, the words you choose, your tone, and your timing…can make all the difference.
God sent Nathan to accuse King David of how his immoral behavior jeopardized their relationship. Nathan told it in such a way that David easily recognized his murdering Uriah and committing adultery with Uriah’s wife were terribly wrong. The truth hit David hard and, in his hurting and honest heart, he immediately repented…and God immediately forgave him! So, no, it’s both – honesty and truth.
– John Driggers, Spiritual Advisor for Myers-Davis (5/5/2025, V7#18)
